What Can We Learn From A Cactus?

“Being negative only makes a journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don’t have to sit on it.” 

- Joyce Meyer

I heard this quote while listening to a podcast by Marie Forleo. She was interviewing a master at communication, Sam Horn, and the topic was how to manage hard conversations- a highly sought out topic during my sessions with coaching clients. 

This line stood out to me because it reminded me of:

• The current status of medicine. 

• The current status of the world. 

• For many of us, the current status of our lives. 

Things are prickly right now. 

At times it can feel as if no matter what you do or say, you get poked. Can you relate? It might be sensing increased demands at work, hearing words from your child lashing out, or your mind giving you criticism.

What can make a cactus difficult to have around? 

• It can poke you if you get too close or touch it without wearing proper gloves. 

• If you love it like a regular plant, it may die from too much water, or not enough sunlight. 

• Some people will find it easy to take care of (due to unintentional neglect), and others can’t keep it alive from too much attention (like me, a chronic over-waterer). 

• And if you choose to use a cactus for a seat cushion every time you are around one, you are sure to create a lot of unnecessary pain. Ouch!

  

What if we learned to live with the cactuses in our lives in a manner that was mutually beneficial? 

Could we learn to love the cactuses we encounter? 

Cactuses can be beautiful to look at, create colorful flowers, and some have edible parts. 

When we can learn to think of circumstances from many angles, especially ones very different from our own, new doors can open. We can begin to understand why our toddler is having a tantrum (and it’s not to torture their parents), why our CFO is asking that you see more patients (maybe reimbursement or poor financial choices have put your organization in the critical red zone), or why your teen can’t seem to succeed at school the way they used to (their life is nothing like teen life ever before- don’t get me started on this one). 

I used to think “inside the box” like my parents, siblings, teachers, and colleagues in medicine. Thankfully over the past six years, I have learned to think outside of that box, learn about topics outside of medicine, and blast apart the walls of the small universe I used to live in. 

This transformation didn’t happen until I turned 50, and I chose to do something differently in my life. 

What was that major change? I began working with a High Performance Coach and my entire world began to change for the better. 

I have encountered many cactus moments in the past six years since I started benefitting from being coached:

• A cancer diagnosis

• My mother's decline from Alzheimers

• The death of both my parents in a five week span

• My husband being held up at gunpoint in a foreign country

• My three children struggling in school despite their intelligence and support from home

And more...

I learned that it is up to me to ask myself "how will the best version of me chooseto respond?”

Intention is now an essential part of my interaction. 

• I take a pause to resist the built in instinctual reactions to become angry or yell, and instead I begin to belly breath to tell my brain I am calm

• I remind myself to get curious to better understand what is going on from multiple perspectives.

• I get fully present to truly listen to what others are saying. 

• I now realize that my way of solving a problem is not the only possibility.

Even with the support of a coach, my loving family, and consistent learning in positive psychology and personal development, I am a work in progress. 

I love that as a certified coach, I have created a path for others to discover their best self faster and easier by taking what I have learned to create my Happier, Healthier Healer Programs. 

If you are curious to learn more about how coaching is helping healthcare providers mitigate burnout, send me a message and we can connect. 

Erin Hurley, MD

Certified High Performance Coach